As I look out my window this morning at the snow falling slowly to the ground, I grow angry and more frustrated with the industry of hip-hop. Some things are never what they appear to be, and I haven't even begun to scrape the fuckin surface on some of these fake ass hip-hop dudes and promoters who claim to have love for the game. Seems at the end of the day, it's all about the dollar and who society accepts as a money getter. Music is very powerful. The lyrics which embrace music can have a impact to that of an atom bomb. Either getting you killed, or leaving you with something in your head which you will carry for the rest of your life. There are songs that were recorded years ago by artists that have been dead and gone. Yet, they're with me. Every instrument, every lyric, and most of all. The pictures which they created in my head, are with me. Vividly.

Like anything else in this world with power, rap {poetry} could be used for good or evil. Words can teach love, or preach hate. Even worse, bring truth to a confused heart. {So I pop 2Pac's Cd "Me against the world" in my cd player.} I feel 2Pac paved the way for artists like myself. Giving me the influence to find courage through expression. To never back down and stand by what I believe in. It took me a very long time to find something to believe in. Throughout all my high school experiences with silly ass cliques and peer pressure, to family values of morale through religion. Trials and tribulation, I found myself falling into the abyss of ignorance. Until that day. That day in college when I was embraced with racism. Being forced off of campus because I spoke up to the wrong person. The wrong white person that is.

No one cared to listen to how I felt, or even my side of the story. Full of anger and feeling helpless, I wrote a song expressing how I felt. Put the lyrics to music and recorded it in a small ass bedroom. My friend Andy who was a dj at the time from Indonesia, had some turntables and recording equipment. So we layed it down. The song was titled "Still Standing." We recorded it over this old Public Enemy beat which made the song that more intimidating to racist white folks. The lyrics went "I come from the hood but I'm here as a student learning with ambition, we're not all destined for prison, ain't trying to see prison, if I did ,it'll be for kicking this bitch's teeth in for speaking before listening, through all your accusations today I stand strong to face'em, you thought your blows would be hard and that I couldn't  take'em, still standing, it's after 6am better call the president and wake him."

Before I knew it the tape had been leaked.  Copy after copy was distributed throughout the campus. The impact was so overwhelming to the dean that I was considered a threat. Forced to continue my education on a part time bases. From then on I knew what my calling was. All that time I was looking for something to believe in when I should have been believing in myself. So today I fight. Fight against diversity and for those who are considered weak and not able to speak. My music is a message of awareness, never hate.

Now with the wake of hip-hop's so called death. Controversy surrounds it. With that, comes ideals of profit. There's a lot of hip-hop artists out there waiting to be discovered. I'm one of them.  With record companies changing everyday and their lack of demand for real talent. People are running all sorts of gimmicks for struggling artists to get discovered. All bullshit! For example, these clubs are holding open mic nights and charging artists a fee just to perform. On top of that charging a cover for people to come in and get a peek at new talent. What part of the game is this? Almost every other site on the internet are charging independent artists for services that don't exist. Record labels are pimping their artists, and now independent artists are getting pimped by strangers. I'd be damn if I ever pay someone to perform. You pay me for my time, not the other way around. Na Na Na "FUCK YOU PAY ME!"

Now I've been asked about this situation with my disliking local hip-hop artist Prolifik. Bottom line is this. He's fake. No other way to put it. I was born black, along with all the struggles of being black. I live in a low income community. I've been harassed by local and even state police for being in the wrong neighborhood. My music expresses my struggle. It's how I maintain.  How dare some white kid experiment with a craft utilized by people of color in the struggle? He's not poor. He doesn't come from low income communities. He doesn't lack opportunity. Nor does he get harassed by the police. So when this kid wins The Saturday Night Showdown which is showcased on a black radio station, it pissed me the fuck off. How dare Hot 97 even allow that type of fuckery? Black hip-hop rap artist aren't even being showcased on these rock radio stations, let alone winning any contests. So fuck Prolifik and Hot 97 both.

And so the struggle continues...............

[	Current Location	|	The Lab	]
[	Current Mood	|	cold	]

?Courtney? Block User
Delete From Friends
myspace.com/courtness3
Date:
Mar 11, 2008 9:53 PM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ]  Subject:
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I just wanted to say that I used to really enjoy reading all of the stuff you wrote, and I agreed with most things. Because of that, I went and listened to your show more than once. Everytime I have listened, everything has been about race. As a white female I feel that you are a very racists person. I have lost a lot of respect for you. My husband raps so I know the game. You can not blame your thoughts on that, or say that's just how the game is played when you are a rapper. I know that you have had different experiences than I have had, but you act like females are just hoes and bitches that are trying to milk any man for everything they are worth. I know that you will probably write a bulletin or blog about "how stupid I am", but its worth it to let you know that you lost a fan of music and writing. I know it is just your opinions, and you are entitled to your own. Every once in a while you should just stop and think about who is listening, and think about their feelings. Thank you for taking the time to read this and listen to what I had to say.

MY RESPONSE!!

[	Current Location	|	The Lab	]
[	Current Mood	|	amused	]

WENT OUT TO THE CLUB LAST NIGHT. THOUGH IT'S BEEN AWHILE, SHIT WAS STILL THE SAME. IN THIS CASE, MAYBE EVEN WORSE. I CALL IT THE UGLY FAT FRIEND SYNDROME. FOR EVERY GROUP OF FIVE WOMEN, THREE OF THEM HAD A UGLY, OR FAT FRIEND. HELL, MOST OF THEM WERE UGLY AND FAT. I'M THE TYPE OF DUDE THAT CASES THE CLUB BECAUSE I LIKE TO KNOW WHAT MY SURROUNDINGS ARE. MOST PEOPLE I KNOW, OTHERS WILL STARE IN MY FACE LIKE THEY KNOW ME SO I'LL BE LIKE "WHAT'S POPPIN"!.


JUST MY WAY OF SAYING HELLO. FUNNY THING ABOUT SAYING HELLO TO A WOMAN WITH HER FRIEND{S} IS THAT BEFORE YOU CAN SPEAK TO THE FRIEND{S{ {JUST TO SHOW MANNERS AND BE POLITE}, THE FRIEND WILL SPEAK FOR HER AND MOST LIKELY WILL BE RUDE ABOUT IT. NOW I EXPERIENCED THIS LAST NIGHT. IT WAS AT A CLUB IN NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT CALLED "THE PLAYWRIGHT". JUST HAD TO THROW THAT INFO OUT THERE JUST IN CASE THE BITCH IS ON MYSPACE AND DECIDES TO READ THIS. I HAPPENED TO SEE A WOMAN WEARING THE MOST SEXIEST PAIR OF SHOES I'VE EVER SEEN.


NOW I DON'T KNOW ABOUT MOST OF YOU MEN OUT THERE. BUT, A SEXY PAIR OF SHOES ON A PAIR OF BEAUTIFULLY PEDICURED FEET IS A TURN ON. IT COMPLIMENTS EVERYTHING ELSE ON A WOMAN IF SHE ROCKS IT RIGHT. NOW , I HAVE A LADY AT HOME. I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THIS WOMAN GOT THESE SHOES SO I CAN GET MY LADY A PAIR . {NOW YALL KNOW THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT RIGHT}! LAUGHING! THIS GIRL HAD A FRIEND WITH HER THAT WASN'T ATTRACTIVE AT ALL. THE WAY SHE WAS DRESSED WAS TACKY LIKE EVERYTHING WAS JUST THROWN TOGETHER.


HER HAIR WAS A MESS WITH SPLIT ENDS AND OLD HAIR COLORING THAT WAS WEARING OFF, REVEALING HER TRUE HAIR COLOR. SHE ALSO WAS ON THE HEAVY SIDE WEARING SHOES A SIZE SMALL. SO THE EXTRA SKIN ON HER ANKLES WERE BUSTING OUT OF HER SHOES LIKE A BUSTED CAN OF BISCUITS. SO I CAME AT {I'LL NOW REFER TO HER AS THE WOMAN IN THE SEXY SHOES} LIKE "THOSE ARE SOME HELLA SEXY SHOES I LIKES THAT; IT COMPLIMENTS YOUR FEET". BEFORE THE WOMAN IN THE SEXY SHOES COULD RESPOND, HER UGLY ASS FRIEND GAVE ME THE MOST NASTIEST LOOK AND SAID "SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND".


SO RIGHT AWAY I WAS OFFENDED. WHERE DID THAT SHIT COME FROM? IT WASN'T EVEN RELEVANT. SO ME BEING ME, I WENT INTO SLAP A BITCH MODE. NO I DIDN'T PHYSICALLY SLAP HER. I DID VERBALLY THOUGH. I WAS LIKE "NO ONE WAS EVEN SPEAKING TO YOU". "TWO, WHAT THE FUCK DOES COMPLIMENTING YOUR FRIEND'S SEXY SHOES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER HAVING A BOYFRIEND"? SO IT STARTED THIS DUMB ASS YELLING MATCH. THIS CHICK EVEN WENT AS FAR AS SAYING THAT SHE WOULD SLAP THE SHIT OUTTA ME. EVEN GOT UP IN MY FACE.
I HONESTLY THINK THIS CHICK JUST WANTED TO HAVE
AN EXCUSE TO GET CLOSE TO MY FACE.


AT THAT MOMENT, I NOTICED SOMETHING. ALL THAT TIME, THE Woman IN THE SEXY SHOES DIDN'T SAY A THING. WHAT STARTED AS A COMPLIMENT TO HER BECAME A SHOUTING MATCH BETWEEN ME AND HER FRIEND. THEN IT HIT ME. THE WOMAN IN THE SEXY SHOES ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF THAT SHIT. IT MADE HER FEEL GOOD. LIKE SHE WAS IMPORTANT, RELEVANT AT THAT MOMENT. BY THAT TIME MY PEEPS ALREADY WERE IN BETWEEN ME AND THIS UGLY BROAD BREAKING THE FUCKERY UP. AFTER ALL THAT, I STARTED TO CASE MY SURROUNDINGS AGAIN.


THIS CLUB WAS FULL OF VERY INSECURE WOMEN WHO ARE USING THEIR UGLY ASS FRIENDS LIKE ACCESSORIES TO COMPLIMENT THEMSELVES. DON'T YOU SEE? THESE UGLY FRIENDS ARE SELF ESTEEM IN A BOTTLE. THESES FEMALES FEED OFF OF EACH OTHER FOR SELF ESTEEM. SOME CO DEPENDENT SHIT. LET ME BREAK THIS DOWN FOR THE SLOW PEOPLE. THERE'S A LOT OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OUT THERE WHO KNOW THAT THEY ARE SEXY TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, BUT ARE A LITTLE DOUBTFUL ABOUT IT. SO TO REASSURE THEMSELVES, THEY RECRUIT AN UGLY ASS FRIEND WHO THEY KNOW FOR A FACT AREN'T APPEALING TO ANYONE. SO THAT BOOSTS UP SELF ESTEEM.


AND OF COURSE UGLY CHICKS DON'T MIND HANGING AROUND BEAUTIFUL CHICKS. THAT ALONE BOOSTS UP THEIR SELF ESTEEM. THEY ACTUALLY FEEL SO GOOD THAT THEY WILL BE THE FIRST TO TALK SOME SHIT EVEN WHEN NO ONE IS TALKING TO THEM. like I SAID, SOME CO DEPENDENT SHIT. DON'T BELIEVE ME? NEXT TIME YOU GO OUT TO A CLUB JUST LOOK AROUND.


NOW I KNOW SOME WOMEN ARE GONNA READ THIS BLOG AND THINK I'M WRONG. BUT GUESS WHAT! IF NONE OF THIS APPLIES TO YOU, THEN NO WORRIES. HELL, MOST OF THESE NICE LOOKING WOMEN BE BROKE AS FUCK LIVING AT HOME WITH NO CAR. JUST FOLLOW A NICE LOOKING WOMAN {NO STALKING SHIT} WHO HAS A UGLY FRIEND TO THE CAR. CHANCES ARE, THE UGLY CHICK IS THE ONE WHO'S DRIVING. LIKE I SAID, SOME CO DEPENDENT SHIT. TO ALL THE INDEPENDENT LADIES IN THE WORLD, YOU ALREADY KNOW NONE OF THIS APPLIES TO YOU.


INDEPENDENT WOMEN ALWAYS HANG WITH OTHER INDEPENDENT WOMEN. THEY DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE DRIVING EVERYONE ELSE AROUND AND FLIPPING THE BILL ON DRINKS WHILE SHARING CLOTHES. INDEPENDENT WOMEN ARE ONLY DEPENDENT ON ONE PERSON. "THEMSELVES'. AND THESE ARE THE WOMEN I HAVE THE UPMOST RESPECT FOR. WILL OPEN DOORS FOR, WILL RUN THAT BATH WATER FOR. INDEPENDENT WOMEN GET MARRIED TO RAISE INDEPENDENT CHILDREN. HOOD RATS HAVE KIDS WITH THIS DUDE AND THAT DUDE AND RAISE HOOD RATS. IT IS WHAT IT IS.


THANK YOU MYSPACE FOR GIVING ME A FORUM AS A ARTIST TO EXPRESS MYSELF. THANKS TO ALL WHO SUPPORT ME.
BE SURE TO RESPOND TO THIS POST ON MY OFFICIAL BLOG AT HTTP://BLOG. NORESTRICTIONMUZIC. COM ALSO CHECK OUT MY LIVE INTERNET RADIO SHOW ON BLOGTALK AT HTTP://WWW. BLOGTALKRADIO. COM/KAYZURESAKAR

THANKS.

KAYZURE SAKAR

[	Current Location	|	The Lab	]
[	Current Mood	|	annoyed	]

IT IS MY OPINION THAT SOCIETY KEEPS FORGIVING  PEOPLE LIKE THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY LIVES THEY  MAY DESTROY. UNTIL THEY CRASH INTO A PERSON LIKE ME ON HIS WAY TO WORK, BARELY CONSCIOUS GETTING OUT MY CAR PROCEEDING TO WHIP THEIR FUCKIN ASS.  THEN THE SAME SOCIETY THAT CONTINUED TO FORGIVE A DRUNK DRIVING MANIC WOULD PROSECUTE ME, TAKE AWAY MY LICENSE, AND THROW ME IN JAIL ONLY TO GET OUT AND TAKE ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES.
WHAT THE FUCK MAN!

THIS IS WHY I FEEL LIKE I'M FROM ANOTHER PLANET. I KNOW MY WAYS AND HOW I MAY REACT TO THINGS. SO I TRY TO DISTANT MYSELF AWAY FROM RETARDS WHO MAY SET ME OFF. I WORK VERY HARD FOR WHAT LITTLE I DO HAVE. LATELY, IT SEEMS THAT THE PEOPLE WHO CLAIM THEY HAVE EVERYTHING, WANT TO TAKE WHAT LITTLE I HAVE. MOST PEOPLE WILL WITNESS THIS TYPE OF FUCKERY AND SAY NOTHING. WHAT GETS ME IS THAT THE SAME COWARD BITCHES THAT WATCHED SOMETHING FOUL GOING ON AND SAID NOTHING, WILL HAVE EVERYTHING TO SAY WHEN A PERSON LIKE ME REACTS.

PERSON LIKE ME MEANING "I DON'T TAKE NO SHIT'. PERIOD. EVEN WHEN I EXPLAIN CERTAIN THINGS TO PEOPLE, THEY JUST DON'T SEEM TO GET IT. IN MY LIFE, NOTHING WAS EVER GIVEN TO ME. I HAD TO ALWAYS WORK HARDER THAN THE NEXT PERSON. FUNNY, IF I COULD GO BACK AND CHANGE THAT; I WOULDN'T. WORKING HARD ALLOWS ME TO BE ME. FREEDOM! FREEDOM FROM THE FEAR OF WAITING ON SOMEONE OR SOMETHING. INDEPENDENT. NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL BE ALRIGHT. EVEN SO, I DON'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BEING YOURSELF COMES WITH A PRICE.

EVEN DREAMS FIGHT AGAINST ME. BOUGHT A NEW CAR A FEW YEARS BACK. DUDES KEPT SLAMMING MY DOORS SHUT. HELL, THEY STILL DO. HAD ONE DUDE {STILL LOVE YA HOMIE] RIP MY LEATHER SEAT BY SITTING IN IT WITH HIS KEYS IN HIS BACK POCKET; AFTER I TOLD HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN NOT TO GET IN MY SHIT WITH HIS KEYS HANGING.
I'VE PICKED UP PEOPLE THREE IN THE MORNING FROM THEIR JOBS WITH NO GAS IN MY CAR. ONLY TO BARELY MAKE IT TO MY JOB THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T OFFER ME ANY GAS MONEY. WHEN MY PEOPLE DOING BAD, MY HEART HURTS. ESPECIALLY IF I KNOW IT. SO I'M THERE.

I'VE GOTTEN TIRED OF HURTING MYSELF BY HELPING OTHERS ONLY TO BE CALLED MEAN AND FUCKED UP. SO IN ORDER TO BE SOMEWHAT OKAY {BALANCE], I HELP OTHERS  AND CONTINUE TO MAKE A MESS OF MY LIFE. YA SEE, THAT'S MY CURSE. SOME COMPARE MY MUSIC TO PAC. MAYBE BECAUSE I SHARE HIS PAIN. AS LONG AS I'M BREATHING, I'LL BE THERE.

THANKS TO ALL WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ A PART OF MY LIFE. IF YOU CAN GET A MESSAGE FROM IT AND MAKE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE, SO BE IT.PLEASE FEEL FREE TO RESPOND TO IT AT HTTP://BLOG.NORESTRICTIONMUZIC.COM 

[	Current Location	|	The Lab	]
[	Current Mood	|	aggravated	]

I'm sitting here flipping through the channels and I see Monique {the actor/comedian} talking shit about skinny chicks and how their men would luv to get at a big woman, how big women are in and what's popping. Biiiiiiiiiiiitch please. That shit is preference only. Some people prefer a snicker, others may prefer an energy bar. Either way, we all crave something different at the end of the day. For the record, if you're a fat woman...yes I said fat; not thick, big boned, or husky; and you have picture{so} on your myspace page from the neck up....stop that shit. The gig is up. We all know. Big chicks always fishing trying to hook a slim dude. It be those big chicks with those pretty ass faces trying to bate a muthafucka. I can't stand myspace profiles where these chicks be haven like a hundred pics in their folders, all from the fuckin neck up. Again, for the record; there is no face in the world that pretty to compensate for all that extra shit under ya neck.


As usual, some may tend to think that I'm just being out right mean. But keep in mind that fat people have forums and their own guidelines to what should be in society too. For example, "you" {meaning slim or athletic people} ever walk past a group of fat people either in the clothing store or restaurant and they snicker at you ass? Your skinny ass is the joke. They laugh at us just the same. And to make matters worse, fat chicks be on that "we're people too shit"; but don't want a fat dude.
Isn't that some shit? When was the last time you seen a fat couple? I'll wait!